When you start to look for a husband, you also start to look for a man who will be a father to your kids. You understand that this man, who you are considering for marriage perhaps, needs not just to be great husband material but also have qualities of a great father. Have you even wondered about the qualities of a good husband and father? While there is a lot on intersection, mind you, a good husband may not necessarily be a good father and vice-versa.
Marriage and fatherhood are quite demanding jobs that require a man to adjust, grow and compromise constantly. But having a spouse who has these specific qualities of being a good husband and a father makes life so much easy and rewarding – not just for you, but your children and even extended family. If I were to list qualities of a good husband and father, the list would be really long. However, I have made some really good pointers that will help you note these qualities and traits in your husbands and potential dates and be sure you are in safe hands.
Top 12 Qualities Of A Good Husband And Father
You can just make a mental checklist of these top qualities of a good husband and father, and mark a check everytime you notice the trait in your husband. The below listed qualities are sort of signs of being a good husband and a father. There may be some qualities where he may do better with some help, and there may be some that is particularly important to you but he does not have them. Basis his grades on this list, you can either look at working on his weak points, or discuss the big picture with him with regard to how this is affecting you. Remember, every family is unique and so are their circumstances, however, this list will give you a direction to look for these characteristics in your man.
So lets find out what makes a good husband and a father.
1. He is dependable and trustworthy
If you can count on your man anytime and for anything, without the fear of being judged, then he is for keeps. He honours his commitments and works on building trust by assuming responsibilities. A dependable man will also own upto his mistakes. He will not be someone who will try to blame things on other people when things go wrong, and believe me, things go wrong more often than you think. He will set up the same example for his children and your children will too learn to own up.
2. He believes in hands-on involvement
A dependable man is not just about living upto his promises, but he is also resourceful. He believes in hands-on involvement in everything – from cleaning dirty dishes, to changing diapers. As a husband, he will be there to share your load of household and other responsibilities, as a father, he will be your second in command. He believes that marriage and parenthood is not a single parents’ thing – it takes two to tango. Among the qualities of a good husband and a father, this one assumes a lot of importance because it teaches the kids the importance of participation from an early age.
Raising mentally strong kids requires parents who are involved with the children in ways more than one. Kids who grow with involved parents find it easy to adjust with partners in their later life.
3. He exercises self-control
Whether it is alcohol, other women, saying hurtful things or controlling his temper around you and the children – an ideal man would be a pro in exercising self-control. To quickly lose temper, or to demand things at the drop of a hat is not so him. He is disciplined in so many ways and does not seek self-gratification for every small thing he does. Neither does he want everything to be under his control all the time.
4. He knows how to balance his marriage and parenthood
Once you become a parent, it is easy to keep your marriage at the backburner. Women have often been accused to do that, and sometimes rightly so. If your husband knows the art of balancing his parental responsibilities with his married life, there is no doubt he has one of the most impeccable qualities of a good husband and father. To keep a relationship strong after a baby, he will work with you as a team, and not against you in opposite courts. Not only will you be happy at the efforts he makes to keep the spark alive, you will yourself start putting in some time for your marriage.
5. He is a great role model
His idea of disciplining is not limited to preaching, but he believes in being a good role model as well. Whether it is about respecting other, or being honest, he practices these traits first before expecting them from others. An ideal husband is not scared to sacrifice certain temptations for his children and wife but believes in showing his love in a meaningful way. This sets a very important example for the kids, because kids learn more from what the say, then what is being preached to them.
6. He is a provider
It is not about being rich or wealthy, but someone who feels proud and does not hesitate from providing for his family. He has the skills to be able to provide a safe and secure future for his wife and kids, and knows how to go about providing his family with the best of his capabilities. It is rational, practical and critical to look for a man who has the ability, intention and motivation for providing for his family.
7. He is a good financial planner
Money is a prime reason of discord in a marriage. To have a spouse who has the same thoughts about money as you do will make it much easier for both of you to manage finances together with your family’s needs. If your husband believes in the idea of splurging just for status or because he wants to impress someone, it is an indication that no matter how much money he makes, it will never be enough. If he is a miser and makes you beg for daily needs, you know you are screwed with this man. A man who has a balanced approach to money will be able to give you a secured life, which has optimum mix of leisure and activity. Make a wise choice.
8. Respects your side of family
If your man expects you to maintain cordial relationships with his extended family and parents but himself holds resentment towards your side of family, you can be sure that you will always be having arguments and fights over this issue. An ideal man would treat your family as his own, and conducts himself the same way he expects you to conduct yourself. He considers and believes all of your family and his family as one big family.
This will set a very good example for your kids as well, as they would learn to love both sides of families as one and their own. They would grow not to disrespect their spouses’ families.
9. He is kind and gentle
Among all the qualities of a good husband and father, kindness is prime. If he is gentle and kind to you, he will be so to the children also. Children can only be raised with kindness and patience – so if it is in his nature already, there is very little chance that he will get irritated when a baby cries at large in the dead of the night. While some women find loud, aggressive men hot, living with an abusive man would be living in hell.
And someone who is not kind and gentle to you will pass on the same legacy to the children. Our society needs kindness and compassion more than ever, so raising kind children should actually be a motto of all the parents. Children who grow up in abusive houses tend to find it all normal and are likely to be abusers too.
10. Knows and values the importance of family
A man who enjoys spending time with his wife and kids and share the responsibilities of running a home and a family can be an exceptional support to a woman and an excellent role model for the children. Men who value and know the importance of a family and you can judge his views on raising a family from the way he conducts himself with his own parents.
11. He is protective of you and the children
When I say ‘protective’, it involves making decisions so as to not expose the children to bad neighbourhoods and corrupt practices. It also means providing a safe and secure life for his family, inclusive, but not limited to good education, food and shelter and negative influences. He knows how to draw boundaries, and is aware of consequences of making bad choices. He instills the same values in his children as well. He If he aims at being protective, he is for keeps.
12. He has vision and ambition
A man who has hopes, dreams and plans for you and your family together will have a vision of direction in which he’d want the family to move in. He will have aspirations, and there will be things he wants to do for you, his children and his parents too. Ask him his vision, share with him your vision. A good husband will have rational views on marriage, parenting and life in whole. He will be mature in his ways and realistic in his approach.
At the end, he should be treating you well- love, respect, kindness, compassion, helpfulness and willingness to share the responsibilities of marriage and parenting are some must have qualities of a good husband and father. If you are able to recognise these in your man, pat yourself on the back, and go hug him right now. For, you should never wait to express how thankful you are!